Mirror Mirror on the Wall: Why I Need You to Say, “I LOVE ME”

 

When was the last time someone told you that he/she loved you?

How about the last time you told yourself that you loved YOU?

We use the word “love” casually in so many different ways: I love that book! I totally love that movie! I love mint-chocolate chip ice cream! (I really do.)

And yet, when I ask people to say, “I love ME”, almost everyone stares at each other uncomfortably, as if I just asked them to do something highly inappropriate.

The question on their minds is: “Is it OK to say I love ME?”

And my answer is Yes, Yes, and YES!!!

I work in a welfare-to-work program where all of my clients have faced or are still facing numerous barriers to employment and self-sufficiency.

All of them are single parents, and mostly single moms living under the national poverty level. Some have had devastating struggles with substance abuse, domestic violence, and mental health. Some are homeless. Some struggle with various learning disabilities. Some have grown up in abusive homes or foster care systems.

But when I ask them why they are in my program to learn and to find employment, most of them answer, “because I want to better my life for my kids. I love my kids.”

As with any parent, my clients’ devotion to their children is immeasurable.

But for so many of them, the “mirror exercise” is the toughest activity in our curriculum. Most of them will refuse to participate or try to laugh it off and walk away.

And so when I ask them, “ How can you be a motivator and a great educator for your child if you cannot learn to love yourself?”

They answer, “because I love THEM, and I don’t need to love myself. I’m not where I want to be in life.”

We forgive those we love and sometimes we suffer silently in anguish when people we love hurt us. And yet, we are not as forgiving or readily accepting with ourselves.

Sometimes, we learn to forgive and learn to love another person as who they are – flaws and all, and yet we fail to learn to love ourselves as who we are. We have a tendency to pick out all of our flaws and analyze each flaw, ever so systematically, and perhaps even categorize each flaw into different sections like body image, finances, intelligence, humor, even popularity.

Think about all the ways you tell yourself you’re not beautiful or unworthy every day. You may be doing it without even realizing it.

I tell my class that love begins with the word “ME”.

“I love you” has a subject and it is “I”.

It starts with “I”.

Just like success begins with “I can”.

Yes, it’s important to recognize our shortcomings and to work on them, proactively. However, it is one thing to recognize our flaws for the sake of self-development and another thing to put ourselves down in a cycle of negative thinking.

So stand in front of a mirror, even on your worst days.

And tell yourself, it’s ok. I love you.

Yes, you can. Say it out loud!