What is Essential is Invisible to the Eye

It always puzzles me how some of the best lessons in life still come from a simpler time when I peered under the bed for furry legged monsters (mom!!! you forgot to vacuum under my bed!!) and held my breath to wish upon a “shooting star” (I’ll put $50 on that it was just a plane).  One of the more important traits of people I have observed is just how little we can know of each other. I’m guilty of noticing all too quickly that I gained a little weight, that a coworker needs to buy a new tie, and that my friend needs to fix her lipstick; but it’s not so easy to discern that my coworker is juggling two jobs as a single dad or that my friend is suffering from a broken relationship.

Somehow, it was easier to “see” people when monsters and such were still under my bed.

It makes me wonder if sometimes the best way to analyze, quantify, and understand what truly matters is to listen to an old Fox that visited me with his Little Prince many years ago. #reflection #justanotherthought from www.dreamacareer.com

Are We Damaging Our Careers by Taking on Too Much? How learning to say “NO” with tact can help you advance

Photo by jesadaphorn freedigitalphotos.net

When is it ever okay to tell someone, “NO” on the job?  And how can we stop ourselves from saying yes by default? How do we stop ourselves when, despite wanting to say no, our immediate reaction may be to say, “yes” or “sure, no problem”?

I like to imagine myself as a “Sure, I got it; I’ll get it done” type of coworker. I find it difficult, especially when we are working together on a big project, to say “no” to extra responsibilities. I want to show people that I’m a team player, and I worry that if I say no, my decision to do so may demoralize my team.

And this is where it all goes very, very wrong. Saying “yes” by default can have damaging effects on your career in many ways.

But how could it go wrong, right? You’re being a team player!

Here’s how:

1. You burn out – I’m certain we’ve all felt at one point that no matter how much we get done, there’s a constant add-on of responsibilities. Your plate isn’t full- it’s BEEN full… for years now. When we try to do too much (yes, there is such a thing as doing too much), we exhaust ourselves in the process, hurting our chances of feeling more fulfilled at work. And when you burn out, you are more likely to become a disengaged employee, hurting your chances of growth and opportunities to promote.

What to do: When someone asks you to help out, instead of just saying, “no”, follow up with an alternative solution. Say, “I’d like to help, but I’m also responsible for networking with local politicians. Perhaps you could ask Jennifer at our Communications Department to handle this press release? She has a lot more experience in contacting the press, and I’d be happy to ask for you.”  Your coworkers will appreciate your honesty and they will find value in your solutions.

 2. You become resentful – Have you ever heard someone say, “Why do I always have to do EVERYTHING?” Resentment is a powerful emotion. Although you are doing twice or three times as much as others, your job satisfaction is much lower than that of your peers, and you risk falling into the trap of being the “Ms./Mr. Negative” at work.

 What to do: First, you need to check your emotions. Why are you resentful? And how are your emotions getting in the way of you representing your best self? Resentment is a self-deprecating emotion in that your peers will most certainly pick up on your negative energy. You may be damaging your reputation, despite doing all the work. Be certain that you share your calendar and deadlines for tasks you are currently managing with your peers or your superiors. When your boss or your colleague asks you to help out, say, “I’d like to assist, but as you can see from my task list/ calendar, my priorities now are in finishing project X successfully by July 1^st. There are still many tasks I need to complete to make project X a success. I’d like to focus on this work. Is there any way that I can assist with other responsibilities after July 1^st?”

3. You lose sight of what’s important to you and your work does not represent your best skills and talent – When we always say “yes” to multiple responsibilities without carefully weighing the consequences of saying “yes”, we risk missing out on the projects and the events that truly matter to us. There comes a point where you are left wondering why you are stuck with responsibilities X, Y, and Z, when you could be strengthening your skills by having participated in A, B, and C instead. Furthermore, you may be left regretting the finished work altogether because it doesn’t turn out to be a good representation of what you are truly capable of doing.   Because of the time pressures and various other on-going projects that beckon your attention, your finished product may not be as satisfactory as you like.

What to do: You may be in need of a little self-assessment. Do you really know your strengths and weaknesses? Do you understand which work you enjoy and which you dread? For example, are you saying “yes” to helping with analytics when your strength is in creating designs for marketing? Understand what your strengths are and focus on volunteering for extra responsibilities that present opportunities for you to build on your strengths. This doesn’t mean that you should ignore your weaknesses. However, it’s also pointless, if not soul-draining, to continue helping others on work that you don’t enjoy (maybe even dread) working on.

So the next time you come across a person (a colleague or a boss) who is trying to delegate extra responsibilities to you, it’s not a bad idea to turn on your “no” mode, especially if you feel that you are not the right person for the job. Of course, saying “no” to your boss on every project can cost you the promotion or worse, get you fired. So remember to apply this tactic wisely – focus on additional responsibilities that would otherwise steal your time and attention away from your core objectives at work.

Praises are for Dolphins: Why Leaders Must Acknowledge, not Praise

There is nothing more debilitating than to have a boss who does not acknowledge your talents or hard work.

And by acknowledgement, I don’t mean the usual pat on the back or saying, “good job” or cheering, “way to go!”

Those praises are for dolphins, usually after routine tricks. (Yes, IT’S FOR DOLPHINS! Very intelligent creatures, by the way. No offense.)

What some leaders fail to understand is that unlike dolphins, employees aren’t looking to fulfill their basic needs by receiving praise.

Dolphins, after a trick or two, are immediately rewarded with savory fish meat.This reward system works for dolphins because they perform routine tasks that lead to routine rewards, which they routinely crave – FISH. Get the routine?

Sure you do!

But what about our employees? What’s their “FISH”?

What we need to understand is that praise may not express sincerity. When we praise someone, we are merely providing approval of an act or a skill. Yes, praising may be a “feel-good” moment. But it is a fleeting moment of vague statements that fails to link the action or the skill to any specific goals, long-term plans, or achievements.

What I have observed is that employees perform better and feel more motivated at work if and when they realize that their bosses are giving them acknowledgement, not praise, for their work.

Unlike praise, acknowledgement is a detailed appreciation of true talent, and it stems from the leader’s understanding, genuine interest, and invested energy in the tasks and projects that employees undertake.

Here are 3 easy steps we can take to acknowledge our teams:

1. Understand the Project

Know what they are working on! Ask yourself if you truly understand what this project entails. Does it require your employee to work after hours? Is it a challenging project that no one else wanted to tackle? How does the completion of this project help your team or company to grow? Understand the challenges of the project and be ready to clarify any goals, if necessary.

2. Show Interest

Micromanaging and showing interest is very different. The purpose of micromanaging is to control and the purpose of showing interest is to encourage. Take the approach of a student. Tell your employees that you want to LEARN how they’re planning, coordinating, and/or coping with stresses and challenges. This is also a great opportunity for you to identify how your employees work under pressure and how they make decisions. Ask questions! Listen closely and provide detailed, constructive feedback.

3. Invest!

Employees (and probably dolphins, too) can easily recognize a disengaged leader. In order to show your team that you are personally invested in their success, you must share your expertise. Identify contacts and provide networking opportunities to help them succeed. Be ready to provide tangible resources, and don’t wait until the last minute to offer help.

In a nutshell, acknowledgement can only be given when you are personally invested in the success of that individual. It is a key process of motivating our teams to succeed. And by helping them succeed, we become better leaders.

Benefits of Keeping a Journal: Start Empowering Your Ideas Today

Starting a journal can have a powerful impact on the way you organize and meet your goals.  Journaling can be a great tool for increasing creativity and productivity in both your personal and professional life.  Here are some reasons why you may want to pick up that pen and start a new journal!

HOW TO IMPRESS AT A JOB FAIR

Going to a Job Fair can be intimidating, especially when you don’t know what to expect.  With so many candidates competing for the attention of all those recruiters, how can you stand out from the crowd and make sure you hear back from the companies?  Here are 6 tips that can help you impress those recruiters at a Job Fair.  Happy Job Hunting!

Mirror Mirror on the Wall: Why I Need You to Say, “I LOVE ME”

 

When was the last time someone told you that he/she loved you?

How about the last time you told yourself that you loved YOU?

We use the word “love” casually in so many different ways: I love that book! I totally love that movie! I love mint-chocolate chip ice cream! (I really do.)

And yet, when I ask people to say, “I love ME”, almost everyone stares at each other uncomfortably, as if I just asked them to do something highly inappropriate.

The question on their minds is: “Is it OK to say I love ME?”

And my answer is Yes, Yes, and YES!!!

I work in a welfare-to-work program where all of my clients have faced or are still facing numerous barriers to employment and self-sufficiency.

All of them are single parents, and mostly single moms living under the national poverty level. Some have had devastating struggles with substance abuse, domestic violence, and mental health. Some are homeless. Some struggle with various learning disabilities. Some have grown up in abusive homes or foster care systems.

But when I ask them why they are in my program to learn and to find employment, most of them answer, “because I want to better my life for my kids. I love my kids.”

As with any parent, my clients’ devotion to their children is immeasurable.

But for so many of them, the “mirror exercise” is the toughest activity in our curriculum. Most of them will refuse to participate or try to laugh it off and walk away.

And so when I ask them, “ How can you be a motivator and a great educator for your child if you cannot learn to love yourself?”

They answer, “because I love THEM, and I don’t need to love myself. I’m not where I want to be in life.”

We forgive those we love and sometimes we suffer silently in anguish when people we love hurt us. And yet, we are not as forgiving or readily accepting with ourselves.

Sometimes, we learn to forgive and learn to love another person as who they are – flaws and all, and yet we fail to learn to love ourselves as who we are. We have a tendency to pick out all of our flaws and analyze each flaw, ever so systematically, and perhaps even categorize each flaw into different sections like body image, finances, intelligence, humor, even popularity.

Think about all the ways you tell yourself you’re not beautiful or unworthy every day. You may be doing it without even realizing it.

I tell my class that love begins with the word “ME”.

“I love you” has a subject and it is “I”.

It starts with “I”.

Just like success begins with “I can”.

Yes, it’s important to recognize our shortcomings and to work on them, proactively. However, it is one thing to recognize our flaws for the sake of self-development and another thing to put ourselves down in a cycle of negative thinking.

So stand in front of a mirror, even on your worst days.

And tell yourself, it’s ok. I love you.

Yes, you can. Say it out loud!

Plan, Organize, Divide & Conquer: Why Leaders Must be Great Organizers

In my time as a young manager, I’ve quickly come to realize that one needs to become a grand master of organization to lead a team through change, to communicate your vision with clarity, and to put ideas into action.

In a time of Evernote, Google Calendar, Dropbox, and numerous other apps and platforms designed to help us better manage our time and to better organize our thoughts, why are people still struggling to keep tasks organized?

Because organization is a skill. And like many other skills that go hand in hand with organization, it takes time and practice.

Here are 3 basic ways you can start mastering your skill:

1. Understand that Not ALL Work Can Be Organized with Technology

No, I’m not insisting that you stick to a paper calendar. But creating your own organizer or planner does have its benefits, especially with work that requires you to be creative and flexible.

How: In a notepad of your choice, outline the week ahead. Use markers, post-its, stickers, and highlighters – anything that can help you keep track of your ideas for any upcoming projects.

Benefit: In the process of outlining your week, you will not only remind yourself of all the tasks that need to be worked on, but you will be able to better prioritize the ideas/tasks that need your immediate attention.

2. Find a Program or an App that Works Best for YOU

Because much of my correspondences take place online, and I spend a huge chunk of my time traveling from meetings to more meetings, I like to organize everything on my phone. I’ve learned that it is the best way for me to keep my tasks prioritized while also having a concise calendar of events at the tip of my fingers.

I am what one may call an “APP-LOVER”. Apps work for me, because I need a program that can help me organize my tasks without having constant access to a desktop.

How: Dedicate one whole screen to your calendar. Whatever platform you may use (outlook, google, yahoo, etc.), make sure you sync your calendar to the one you have on your phone. You can also opt to set up an alert, which will alert you to all tasks that need your attention prior to the due date.

Benefit: Minus the times you step away from your phone (I must admit it – this is very rare in my case) your calendar screen will help you remember the important deadlines and appointments.

3. De-Clutter, Make Space, and Learn to Let Go

Ever seen a coworker with files from a client who visited him 20 years ago, just in case the client revisits him? Or someone whose desktop screen looks like a Jackson Pollack painting?

At a certain point, we need to just let it go. Literally.

Much of our organization skills stem from our ability to make space to work that matters now and in the coming days. Change is inevitable on all levels of every organization.

How: Set up a recycling day. Dedicate at least a day to cleaning out clutter (including paperwork, decorations, broken equipment) to make room for the work that really matters and beckons your attention. If you MUST hold onto files from 20 years ago, create a DropBox or a Google Drive account, specifically dedicated to old files that you most likely will not need, except under extreme circumstances. And yes, ok – you never know. Extreme circumstances can occur. Maybe.

Benefit: You won’t be losing anything, just in case, and you will be happier knowing that these files are safely stored away while your desktop is clear and ready for fresh new tasks. By de-cluttering your office space, you will give yourself a daily visual of what organization should, essentially, look like. And for those that love to decorate, it will give you a chance to reinvent your workspace.

Hope this helps! And remember, as with all skills that can be mastered, practice and patience will be your greatest allies.

Happy Organizing !

Learning Whole Truths: Why Leaders Must be Great Listeners

Have you ever received one of those Chinese fortune cookie messages that left you wondering, “huh?”

I received a peculiar one some years ago (And I’ve kept it!) that said: “By hearing, one will only learn HALF truths”

So on my drive back to work, I was intensely focused on figuring out the meaning of this message. And yes, I did wonder why, of all the messages in all the cookies that could have possibly landed on my bill, it had to be this one. I realize it was just 2-inches of thin paper rolled into a Chinese fortune cookie, but it stirred something within me.

When I arrived back at the office, one of my lovely staff came into my office to ask a seemingly innocuous question.

Staff: “Hey boss, do we have plans on hiring more student workers?”

Me: “No. Not as of now.”

Staff: “Oh….ok.”

Me: “Anything else?”

Staff: “Nope. I was just wondering if you were going to hire more students. Ok then. ”

Me: “Ok.”

Just another ordinary Boss to Staff conversation, right? WRONG!!!

This was an occasion where I, unfortunately, just discovered “half truths”.

I was hearing what my staff was saying and responding to her questions, but I was not listening.

If I had truly listened to my staff, I would have discovered the full truth:

• The number of our service population for the past few weeks had more than doubled, from 15 to 35.
• 2 student workers were returning to school full-time in less than a month
• Headquarters was asking the staff to input more detailed data into the central information bank.

You see, I ask for things directly when I need it.

My boss recognizes that I need X, Y, and Z, because I will specifically request for these things when the need arises.

What I forgot to recognize at this time was that my staff doesn’t communicate the same way that I do. I had forgotten to ask my staff “why”.  Even if she hadn’t specified the need to hire new student workers, I should have inferred this easily from our conversation. But I didn’t. Somehow, in between answering emails and meeting deadlines, the question of “why” had eluded me.

I know that as Managers, we are always facing an insurmountable list of tasks and an ever-stringent timeline.

We receive anywhere from 20 to 50 questions from clients each day and we answer just as many emails on program policies, new hires, ongoing projects, trainings, etc. One manager once jested that half of our time is actually spent reading emails and responding.

But this is exactly why we are managers.

We hold knowledge and expertise that must be shared with others.

And this is exactly why we cannot forget to ask people, “why?”

We cannot risk hearing only half-truths.

I know that some managers may argue that it is the staff that needs to be more specific or clear in terms of making requests or speaking to management.

But that is exactly why we, in management, are expected to be leaders. We are expected to lead the team in clarifying ideas and goals. Our job is to listen to their needs and clarify items accordingly. Communication is always a two-way street.

The definition of listening is “paying attention to” or “give attention with the ear”.

And by “paying attention to” instead of simply hearing what our staff shares with us, we can become better leaders.

Have you asked “why” today?

By listening, one will learn the WHOLE truth. And leaders are always eager to learn.

Happy Listening !

Write a Note to Your Younger Self

So someone once asked me, ‘If you were to write a note to your younger self, what would it be?’

I WAS STUMPED!

Writing a note to my 21 year old self. Hmmmm.

Yes, it wasn’t THAT long ago, but long ago enough to make me cringe at the thought of having to talk to that 21-yr-old me.

At 21, I was restless (even more so than now), curious (TOO curious if you know what I mean), ambitious (Oh my), and BROKE (I remember this part).

So what is it that I would communicate to a younger, poorer, but perhaps more confident ME? Would I listen? And if I do, what message do I want to get across to better prepare this “child” for the world she would encounter?

I came up with all sorts of advice for her:

First, I would tell her, “You need to get this, that, and this done by this and this date because if you lose the opportunity to do so now, forget it. You’ll NEVER get it done.”

Sense of URGENCY.

Second, I came up with a list of names of certain men I wanted her to AVOID at all cost. And I mean, at ALL COST.

Don’t hold onto TOXIC relationships. (Relationships fail, but you DO NOT!)

Third, I wrote down all the little things that she shouldn’t waste her time being worried about because being 21 is just FABULOUS and she really doesn’t need to worry about anything.

Don’t sweat the small stuff. Live more.

Then, you guessed it!!

The ah-hah moment!

As I continued to write to my younger self, I knew I had stumbled upon something things that I had perhaps forgotten, and perhaps not too long ago.

Passion. Joy. Confidence. Freedom. Burst of Creativity. Can-Do Attitude. Willingness to Change the World. Daring to Dream.

And there she was. Forever 21.

Hello, myself, I said and she, too, had some words of advice.

Do what you love.

Value your relationships.

Live more.

And there you have it. A little scoop of that fairy dust to help you fly again.

Happy flight !